My CCRM IVF Journey

Our successful journey through IVF #2 at one of the world's top fertility clinics

HOPE

Posted by auntiem10 on April 20, 2010

What a difference a day makes!

When my husband K and I left CCRM on the day of our One Day Work-Up (ODWU), we both agreed that really, for the first time since waging our battle with infertility, we felt HOPE.

Forget the fancy clinic, the state-of-the-art equipment, the success rates, the additional testing, the famous fountain in the lobby, or the doctors’ expertise. For us, the greatest difference between going to CCRM and cycling at our previous local clinic is that little four-letter word. Hope.

We both feel like our previous local clinic basically set us up for failure from the get-go. They told us I would respond poorly to stimulating meds; they were wrong. They suggested we move on to donor eggs; CCRM suggested our issues are not that alarming. They doubted I can produce any chromosomally normal eggs; CCRM did not even suggest CCS testing. They burdened us with the opinion that our chemical pregnancy was our fault; CCRM thinks a better protocol/more careful monitoring/a better lab will make all the difference for us.

Until we traveled to Denver, I hadn’t fully realized what an amazing burden we have carried on our shoulders since that terrible beta day last year. We felt like freaks because we were young and had such poor results. For the better part of 2009, I felt burned… bitter and jealous… my feet thrown out from under me… completely deflated… in despair and grieving… struggling under water… trying to escape self-blame. It has been, by far, the most painful internal struggle of my life.

So to walk out of CCRM 13 days ago, feeling euphoric and hopeful for the first time, was incredible. For the first time in a year, we allowed ourselves to imagine getting our very own BFP and seeing that baby’s heartbeat on an ultrasound screen. And for the first time in a long time, we truly felt lighter than air. And it wasn’t just the altitude!

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3 Responses to “HOPE”

  1. sue said

    ha! i just read the rest of yoru blog! good going on your odwu , can’t wait to hear how things go for you!

  2. […] was a whirlwind. I fell in love with the Rocky Mountains and all the natural beauty in Colorado. Our hope was restored when Dr. Surrey told us that he was optimistic for us. We flew home, and I scheduled the additional […]

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