My CCRM IVF Journey

Our successful journey through IVF #2 at one of the world's top fertility clinics

Perspective

Posted by auntiem10 on May 16, 2010

Thanks so much to those who gave advice on my last post. The BBQ was fun and pregnancy announcement-free, thankfully. There was an adorable 2-year-old little girl there that made my uterus ache, though! There was also a TON of baby talk!

It had been a while since we last saw these friends, so I tried to just keep the topics light while catching up. This girl has major baby rabies though, and inevitably the subject of having kids came up. I was surprised when she bluntly asked, “When are you guys planning to start having kids?” My husband is adamantly against these friends knowing anything about our struggles, so I just tried to respond nonchalantly and maintain some kind of truthfulness. She knows about the laparotomy I had in 2007 (you can click the About Us tab for more info), so I just stumbled through saying that because of that surgery, we aren’t sure how trying to conceive is going to go. I’m a bad liar and didn’t want to make up a story, so I felt this response was sufficient. 

Maybe I should’ve lied, though, because she refused to let the topic die! She asked whether I’ve seen a doctor to discuss our chances, and then she started giving me advice about infertility treatments. Ha! If only she knew how well-educated I am about this subject! She works with women who have conceived with pills like Clomid, and she thought we might want to try that. It was hard to keep a straight face! Then she talked about how other co-workers have had to resort to IVF (which she clearly thought was extreme), and that she knows they have had to spend “several thousand dollars” out of their pockets. : ) I played dumb and gave nothing away, fortunately. I found the whole conversation very funny, and it gave me some perspective. IVF seems like a pretty commonplace procedure to me nowadays. I realized that I’ve been caught up in the world of vaginal ultrasounds, stimulating injections, and egg retrieval surgeries for a while now. Hell, I even feel that traveling to a fertility clinic in Colorado is not a huge deal at this point! Yet from her perspective, even oral drugs like Clomid would be a huge deal. I remember feeling so confused once upon a time by all of the acronyms used on forums (IUI, IVF, TCOYF, FSH, E2). I’ve come a long way (unfortunately!). Now I realize just how deep into this battle I currently am. I hope and pray that the end is in sight!

She then mentioned that she and her husband want to buy a bigger house before they have a baby, so they are going to start looking as soon as possible. Before we left, they invited us to a beer and wine festival in July, and she mentioned that she might need to be the designated driver (presumably because she may be pregnant). So if all goes according to her plan, the announcement will be coming soon! I’ll definitely be working on my fake happy face for the next few months! : )

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8 Responses to “Perspective”

  1. Ugh for the fake happy face.

    Just curious as to why your husband doesn’t want anyone to know about your IF? I wish it wasn’t taboo, there’s nothing to be ashamed of…I don’t know, I guess I’ve been fairly open because I take it as an opportunity to educate. I’m sure he has his reasons though, and kudos to you for keeping a straight face, I don’t think I could’ve done it!

    • auntiem10 said

      I agree that IF often is considered a taboo topic. That’s not really why we have kept it secret from these particular friends, though. In general, we have drifted apart from them over the past few years and don’t feel that it’s any of their business. They didn’t know anything about IVF #1, even though we did share that experience with close family and friends. This time around we are keeping our experience to ourselves. None of our close family/friends even know that we traveled to Denver in April. We feel that this way, if it doesn’t work out for us, we can have time to heal without family/friends calling every day to see if we are doing okay or suggesting that we adopt as if that’s a cure-all. : )

  2. JL said

    I would’ve just walked away or changed the subject. Kudos to you for keeping a straight face. For me close family/friends know I am unable to carry. My family knows about our first IVF but I still havent told some about our IVF #2 and the BFN. I know it shouldn’t be a secret but I’m very emotional and just not strong enough to discuss. Hopefully i’ll have the strength one day…

    • auntiem10 said

      I can relate to your desire to keep your journey private for the sake of your emotions. When it comes to infertility, I am also a very emotional person, and I have a difficult time talking about it. That is why blogging is so therapeutic! : )

  3. Cassie said

    You are unbelievably patient. I don’t think I could have put up with all that assvice! I know how you feel about wanting to keep it private, but I also agree with Lastchance that it would be great to be able to be open about it. That woman needs to know that it isn’t always so easy to have a baby and that such questions are pretty personal.

    • auntiem10 said

      This girl is so young and naive, I think she just can’t relate at all to those who may struggle conceiving. She is several years younger than myself and seems pretty green about this sort of thing. I agree that her questions were totally inappropriate, though–especially at a party with a ton of people around! She didn’t mean any harm by it, but I was a little taken aback!

  4. Pie said

    “You might spend several thousand dollars!” LOL! I don’t think I could have kept a straight face. You almost want the karma to come smack her in the uterus – they buy the big house, and then have trouble conceiving. Not that I would really wish IF on anyone – no matter how thoughtless they can be. But still.

  5. Rambler said

    I think it all depends on where you are in the process. IVF to me was such a scary, expensive, extreme procedure. Having gone through it 1.5 times, it has a different color to me. But I’m right there with you with trying to keep a straight face when someone tries to offer what they think is really good advice about fertility. If they only knew. If they only knew.

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