My CCRM IVF Journey

Our successful journey through IVF #2 at one of the world's top fertility clinics

The Baby Shower I Can’t Miss

Posted by auntiem10 on June 19, 2010

Despite my best intentions to avoid baby showers for the entirety of 2010, the one I’m attending today is unavoidable. I’ve been dreading it since my cousin told me about her pregnancy during New Year’s weekend. I know how rude and awful that makes me sound, but it’s true.

She and her husband got engaged during the fall of 2009. Her brother, a U.S. Marine, was scheduled to leave for Camp Bastion in Afghanistan in February, and they obviously wanted him to attend, so they organized a wedding on short notice. They got married on January 16th of this year, and it was a very fun weekend.

A few weeks before the wedding, my aunt, cousins, and I had a slumber party at my grandpa’s house to relive the fun times from our childhood. My cousin rode with me back to my grandpa’s house after a fun dinner out, and on the way she dropped the bombshell that she was unexpectedly six weeks pregnant. Her wedding was not for another two weeks, so she asked me to keep the news top-secret so that she could get through her wedding day without having to answer questions about her pregnancy.

She seemed a little shellshocked about her suprise pregnancy and was a little sad that she and her husband would never have time to enjoy married life as a couple. During that conversation, I was shocked by how opposite we were on the “I want a baby” spectrum.

She’s due August 4th, and the baby is a girl. Her name will be Abigail, a name I love but wasn’t considering for our child (if we’re lucky enough to conceive one). Throughout her pregnancy, I’ve struggled with the fact that Abigail will be born before our child. My cousin is five years younger than me, so it’s just sort of a tough pill to swallow that I couldn’t have a child first.

In my life, 2010 has been the Year of Baby Showers, and I have skipped them all. I’ve sent a gift and a card, but that’s all I could manage. I’ve skipped showers held in honor of both fertiles and infertiles. I’m not super-weak emotionally, but I just didn’t feel that it would be healthy to attend a shower while I’m still in the trenches. But this particular shower is non-negotiable.

So today I will go and celebrate the impending arrival of my newest cousin. I’m going to put my own feelings aside and think of someone else for a change. I will lock away my sadness and jealousy and will find the strength to endure the baby talk, adorable clothes, and cutesy games in honor of a cousin who deserves all of the love our family can give her. And I can only hope that when it is my turn someday, she will be supportive.

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9 Responses to “The Baby Shower I Can’t Miss”

  1. R said

    I know exactly how you it feel and it is awful. I do not think you are a horrible person for skipping out on baby related parties, I have done that for two years now. You have to protect yourself. Go to today’s shower, but allow yourself some time to grieve or get pampered afterwards.

  2. Susie said

    Oh I feel for you. Being older, most of my friends are done with baby showers by now so I haven’t had to skip very many. But if I were you, I’d have skipped them all, too. I hope today is bearable. Just breathe deeply and tell yourself over and over, “I can do this.” Hugs!

  3. Oh I know how hard these showers can be. I ended up hosting five or six our first two years TTC. One I hosted for a friend who was having her second baby since we had been TTC and it landed one week after our failed third IVF. Needless to say I took a Xanax to make it through…

    Kudos to you for going–I know you can get through it. Just remember to pamper yourself mightily afterward!

  4. […] pregnant cousin and her husband are going to be in town for a sporting event, and they want us to meet up for […]

  5. […] Factory. We chatted throughout dinner before paying and leaving. Outside, we talked about my cousin, who is rapidly approaching her August 4th due date. My aunt feels that my cousin chose to tell me […]

  6. […] My cousin had her baby this morning at 2am, an 8-lb 13 oz baby girl. They live a few hours away, so I haven’t seen the baby yet, but I suppose we’ll need to make a trip there after Denver is behind us. Story of my life: I am happy for them, but sad for us. I wonder if that feeling will even go away after we are finally successful someday. Hopefully about a year from now, we’ll be welcoming our own bundle(s) of joy into the family! […]

  7. […] My cousin had her baby this morning at 2am, an 8-lb 13 oz baby girl. They live a few hours away, so I haven’t seen the baby yet, but I suppose we’ll need to make a trip there after Denver is behind us. Story of my life: I am happy for them, but sad for us. I wonder if that feeling will even go away after we are finally successful someday. Hopefully about a year from now, we’ll be welcoming our own bundle(s) of joy into the family! […]

  8. […] Christmas Day, I glimpsed my cousin’s four-month-old daughter for the first time. She was born in August, but for selfish reasons, we hadn’t scheduled a […]

  9. […] had major surgery to remove her anal glands, received my first of six calendars, attended the only baby shower I couldn’t miss, devastation ensued after finding out my sister-in-law is pregnant, decided […]

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