My CCRM IVF Journey

Our successful journey through IVF #2 at one of the world's top fertility clinics

Waste of Time

Posted by auntiem10 on June 21, 2010

So, I woke up early this morning, drove to my local clinic, and prepared myself for just another in a long line of ultrasounds. My blood pressure was high, which was unusual but maybe no surprise after last night’s news (it was 129/93 I think). The u/s tech came into the room and promptly informed me that she felt this ultrasound would be best performed by the RE himself. He is out of town until tomorrow, so she agreed to just take a look at my innards to see if she could capture some images. She found one endometrioma, which was 3 cm or so (32 mm). She noted that my ovaries have a polycystic appearance. Then she told me that I would have to come back tomorrow for an u/s performed by the RE himself. She just didn’t feel comfortable stating that she had captured all that was going on inside of me. After my laparotomy, my reproductive organs were shifted around (my ovaries are touching, one ovary is partly missing, my uterus is shifted to the left), and she just wasn’t 100% sure that she was looking at the big picture.

What a waste of time. I will be going back in there tomorrow morning at 8:45 for ultrasound #2. Ugh.

Regarding my post last night, I’m trying to find some inner strength to better cope with the news of my SIL’s pregnancy. I was feeling a little better until I read my MIL’s big announcement on Facebook this morning, that she “is so happy she could just burst,” that she “can’t wait,” and that “a new generation is beginning.” Ouch. Then I read my BIL’s announcement, that apparently my SIL surprised him with the news on their second anniversary last Monday.  My hubby arrived home last night, plopped himself down on the couch, and burst into tears. The last time I saw this man cry was last May when the outcome of IVF #1 was declared biochemical. Seeing him cry was the lowest I have felt in a long, long time. I decided to torture myself and prodded him for details once he composed himself. I guess they gave my FIL a framed piece of paper that said “Happy Father’s Day! You’re going to be a Grandpa!” He and my MIL both cried tears of happiness, and the rest of the time was spent talking about baby stuff. Once again, I found myself SOOO thankful that I was not there. Although I feel bad that I wasn’t able to share that moment with his family, I’m 99% sure I would have burst into tears. I definitely feel that someone was looking out for me when I made the decision to skip the celebration and rest instead.

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6 Responses to “Waste of Time”

  1. A.E. said

    Ugh. My heart hurts for you.
    I am so sorry.

  2. That is all just awful–the botched and wasted appointment this morning, of course, but mostly your poor DH. Seeing my DH vulnerable and sad has been the most heartbreaking part of all of our journey…he was so strong for me for so long but he had his breaking points too and it nearly tore me to pieces. Thinking of you BOTH.

  3. Lc1 said

    Sorry about your appt, so frustrating. Hope you have a better appt tomorrow. Sorry about the heartache you are going thru right now with the baby shower and recent pregnancy announcement. It’s just not fair.

  4. Flygirl555 said

    Em – My heart goes out to you. I know it’s difficult to accept, but fertility and who gets pregnant has no rhyme or reason. My housekeeper (who has become a friend through the years) is single and just delivered her second little one. Since she wanted to take some leave, one of her friends has been filling in for about 1.5 months. Today, she let it slip that she couldn’t come due to a dr’s appt – she is seven weeks pregnant.

    A nurse once told me

  5. Flygirl555 said

    Oops…iPhone has a mind of it’s own.

    A nurse once told me that she believes kids pick their parents and the very special child that picked you and your DH isn’t quite ready to reveal themselves yet. Hang in there – it will be your turn soon.

  6. […] RE himself performed the u/s in order to bypass the confusion that ensued last time because of my scrambled anatomy. Nothing like having an experienced u/s tech […]

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