My CCRM IVF Journey

Our successful journey through IVF #2 at one of the world's top fertility clinics

Status Quo

Posted by auntiem10 on August 4, 2010

So far this week, I’m just plowing right through my calendar. I printed it out and am crossing off the days with a big X.

Here are the medications I’m currently taking daily as part of my protocol:

Synthroid (for Hashimoto’s thyroiditis)

Early Evening
Lupron-10 units


I’m having no side effects yet, not even Lupron headaches. I was pretty worried about headaches because I’m prone to migraines, but I’ve felt great so far after the first three injections. Friday will be my last BCP, and I’ll step down to 5 units of Lupron daily next Wednesday (if AF arrives as scheduled on Sunday). I’m only a week away from starting stims!

My brain has been going crazy at nighttime with worries, bringing some serious insomnia and crazy, terrible nightmares. I know it’s pretty normal when the stakes are so high. I keep thinking, what if we end up with barely any blasts and no normals? What if we get a BFN after all of this? What if we have normals and get our hopes up, and then nothing implants? I know that I’m just one of thousands who has had these thoughts going into a cycle at CCRM. Most of us wouldn’t be there if we hadn’t previously lost hope  at a more local clinic.

My old RE’s voice is permanently etched into my brain, informing us that she seriously doubts that I have ANY normal eggs. (She encouraged us, a 27- and 26-year old couple, toward DE after only one IVF cycle b/c of the dismal drop-off of embryos in their lab.) During the day I constantly give myself pep talks, telling myself that CCRM has the success rates to back up their reputation, that the Internet is full of success stories, that my first RE was dead-wrong about everything else. And each afternoon and evening, I feel great about our chances. But at night… those sneaking suspicions roll in like clouds on a summer evening, and I find myself doubting that I’ll ever get that phone call telling me that we’re really, seriously, viably pregnant. I’m afraid I’ll get another call during which a nurse says “Congratulations, you’re pregnant! But… your HCG is only 16, so it’s possibly not viable.” That was one. of. the. worst. days. of. my. life.

We are so in love with each other, so settled in our home, so ready to be parents! Please let there be a light at the end of this tunnel!


5 Responses to “Status Quo”

  1. LC1 said

    After our second IVF failure the Dr told us that there was nothing he could do for us and that most likely we needed donor eggs or sperm (I was 29 at the time). We went to a new clinic and had a much better cycle and our son!! Get that stupid RE’s voice out of your head… he is soo wrong. After one IVF cycle… how could he say that?? Stay positive, I have high hopes for you!!

  2. Jen said

    Wishing you all the best going forward! It will be worth it! And I am so curious of CGH and if PGD is done during that…
    Thinking happy, positive, sticky, two-lines, high-HCG thoughts!

  3. A.E. said

    I pray this is IT for you!
    You are really cutting through that calendar. It’ll be here soon.
    I’m very proud of you!

  4. LisainSK said

    Hugs to you and hoping for the best! I know my worries are at their worst in the middle of the night so I sympathize. But hoping this is it for you…really, really do!

  5. running_girl said

    I think that we are on the same protocol. I’m also on the standard protocol and Dr. Surrey is my doctor. I cycle out there in September. Your blog is great – I really enjoy it. It inspired me to start one. Will you add me to your CCRM bloggers? I’m hoping and praying that this is the cycle you get your baby!

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