My CCRM IVF Journey

Our successful journey through IVF #2 at one of the world's top fertility clinics

Babies

Posted by auntiem10 on August 30, 2010

We had a great time this weekend! It was great to leave town for a couple of days, enjoy each other’s company without a million other distractions, and do some sightseeing. I would have to say the theme of the weekend, for me, was BABIES. I was prepared for a zoo filled to the brim with children, but what I wasn’t expecting were all the new animal mamas–sea lions, gorillas, tigers, monkeys, and penguins! Everywhere I saw teeny tiny furry/feathery/whiskered/adorable little beings. We even saw a sign that talked about how this particular zoo is increasing the population of certain endangered species with in vitro reproduction!

On one hand, the baby animals really were adorable and brought a smile to my face, but on the other hand, it was yet another reminder of the mother/baby bond that exists in nature–the bond that I so badly desire but may never have. Gazing upon a sleeping mother gorilla in an enclosure cupping her baby in the palms of her hands, while I stood beside human mothers tending to their own children, I was struck once again by the feeling of void, the realization that life as “just the two of us” (my wonderful DH and me) simply won’t be fulfilling enough. I fight these feelings and stuff them way down because I know that I don’t have much choice in the matter. We can choose the best clinic, pay for all available technology, follow every instruction on our calendar, but at the end of the day, those embryos are either going to implant or they’re not. These feelings constituted only a blip of time during an otherwise perfect weekend trip, thankfully, but they were real and made me feel afraid of what the future holds.

The baby theme carried into the first day of the work week too… my non-pregnant SIL sent me this instant message this morning: “I emailed (pregnant SIL) for her to be thinking of dates that work for her baby shower. Thinking of January. Would you be interested in planning it with Mom and I?” Of course, I agreed to help with the planning and will  play the role of the dutiful and caring daughter- and sister-in-law. Could have said no, but my gut was telling me that I would have regretted being excluded. Sigh.

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3 Responses to “Babies”

  1. LisainSK said

    So glad you had a nice weekend. And too funny about the In Vitro Reproduction on zoo animals…I bet they don’t have to pay that much money!! I guess it takes the human species to become nearly extinct before they’ll pay for it…interesting! But glad you were able to get away and have a great time.

  2. LC1 said

    I know the heartache you feel. I even feel it now as we try for a second.
    Praying that this is finally your time to become a mommy!

  3. […] trigger shot to force ovulation (which failed), received fourth calendar, took a fun weekend trip, prepared myself for failure because of pinching in my […]

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