My CCRM IVF Journey

Our successful journey through IVF #2 at one of the world's top fertility clinics

Nada

Posted by auntiem10 on September 16, 2010

Thank you for the vibes the other day! Unfortunately, AF is still MIA. Today is day 5 after stopping prometrium, and I’m getting impatient! Leave it to my body to refuse to cooperate. I just desperately sent an e-mail to the nurse inbox, asking if there’s anything else that can be done to induce AF. I know the nurse who reads it will most likely roll her eyes at me, but I figure it doesn’t hurt to make sure all bases are covered. The instructions I was sent explaining this protocol did say that AF would take 1-2 weeks to show after stopping prometrium, so I guess I should have expected it to take longer than a couple of days. Maybe the nightly lupron causes a little longer delay, or maybe my uterus is just stubborn.

Yesterday was a difficult day for me. It was very dark and stormy and yucky all day, the perfect analogy for how I was feeling on the inside. I was feeling upset about our delay, but the day was made worse by my DH’s sister talking to me incessantly about my pregnant SIL. The baby shower is scheduled for January 2nd. They find out the gender exactly 14 days from today, and everyone thinks it’s a boy. She is really starting to show now, with a huge difference from last week. My MIL plans to accompany them to the gender reveal, but she’s going to let them find out privately and then come in toward the end of the ultrasound so that they can celebrate together. And on and on. I am happy for them, honestly, but I wish it was us celebrating these milestones. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again: happy for them, so extremely sad for us. It’s amazing how my heart can be so full of both emotions at the same time. I feel very optimistic that our time is coming, but it’s so difficult to hear about these things while feeling so frustrated about our seemingly endless delay. No one in his family seems to have any grasp on being the least bit sensitive to how incredibly difficult this is for us. They are truly wonderful people and mean us no harm (they love my DH more than I’ve ever seen a parent love their child), but they are just clueless about the pain of infertility. I think my DH has made it clear to his parents that it’s not a topic for discussion, so they never broach the subject, and it feels as if they don’t care. It makes me feel so resentful toward all of them, and then I feel guilty for feeling that way. It’s a vicious cycle. I don’t want to say anything because I’m afraid that they’ll misinterpret what I’m saying and will start walking on eggshells around me. Plus, I firmly believe that it’s my DH’s place to set the boundaries about this subject to his family. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I’m doing my best to stay positive. I’m wearing light khakis today at work, hoping that light-colored attire will entice AF to show! : )

All of the stars have to align for us soon!

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3 Responses to “Nada”

  1. LC1 said

    Ughh. Hope AF surprises you today! I’ve been in a bad mood being delayed with my cycle.. it just makes you feel like it’s never going to happen. I know the feeling. and to top it off dealing with your MIL… my heart aches for you. I know it’s so painful, but I am so hopeful for you. Once your AF comes and things start moving again, you’ll feel better.. hugs.

  2. LisainSK said

    So so so sorry AuntEm…chin up girl. Hoping today is a better day.

  3. R said

    I know that vicious cycle well…so sorry. LOL on the light coloured pants though.

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