My CCRM IVF Journey

Our successful journey through IVF #2 at one of the world's top fertility clinics

Flashback

Posted by auntiem10 on November 18, 2010

I’ve been trying to take each day one at a time, counting down the weeks until our FET and knowing that each Monday means we’re one week closer to concluding this odyssey. If our IVF journey is a mountain, we feel at peace with the fact that we are approaching the summit. We are so extremely grateful that we have five CCS-normal blasts frozen one state away–results better than we ever dreamed.

But last night, a very hurtful phone conversation with my mother brought it all back to me–that pain associated with badly wanting a child and not being able to have one (hopefully not for much longer, though). My hubby and I have felt hurt for a while because my mother seems to drop everything when my sister and her family (including her two gorgeous daughters, ages 10 and 3) visit. When we decide to visit, she never carves out time for us. We always have to work around her schedule or drive out of our way to visit her at a campground (where their RV is parked). I have kept silent for months, and even my husband feels hurt by her wishy-washiness.

Since we’ll be in New York over Thanksgiving, we decided to drive to her town and visit her this weekend. I told her about our plans about four weeks ago, and she kept telling me that she wasn’t sure what she had planned.

So last night, I called her to see if she had figured out her plans yet. We plan to have lunch with my grandpa also, so I needed to let him know what time to expect us. Her reply was that she would be busy… unless we want to drive out of our way to visit her at the campground. I just lost it on her, finally, after all this time. I told her that we feel unequal because she seems to drop everything when my sister visits but never makes time for us. We both live 2+ hours from her, so it’s not like I live close and can visit anytime.

Her defense?

Well, when your sister comes to town, we like to be able to see (Grandchild A) and (Grandchild B).”

And there it was. We don’t have children, so are clearly one step below my sister on the proverbial ladder. Just like that, I was back in the land I inhabited for 16 months before we traveled to Denver–back to those horrible feelings of inequality, lack of confidence, and bitterness. When we received our amazing CCS results, I began slowly healing. And with that one sentence above, I suddenly felt torn down once again. My former RE was the first to tear me down, but I never expected my mother to be the second.

My mother knows about our infertility (although she knows nothing of this year’s events). She listened to me bawl my head off a few days after my sister-in-law announced her pregnancy. I would have hoped she would be a little more sensitive, but I guess it’s true–fertiles just don’t get it (most of the time).

After she said that, I ended the phone conversation as quickly as I could. I called my husband and burst into tears (maybe the DL didn’t help, but I have carried these hurt feelings around for some time). I won’t let her or anyone else send me back permanently to that bad place where I resided before October of this year, but today is a rough day for me. Even 15 hours later, I feel like my tear ducts are armed and ready. : ) Thanks for letting me vent.

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6 Responses to “Flashback”

  1. A.E. said

    That husband of yours is worth his weight in gold.
    Thanks heavens for good men.
    Where would we be without them?
    Lots of love to you.

  2. LisainSK said

    OOOOMMMMMMGGGGG!!! My heart just wrenches in anger for you too! I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I didn’t think my mother got it either until our last m/c then she “Got it” and now feels like an IFer as well. I hope the two of you will be able to patch things up soon. I hope she soon realizes how insensitive she has been to you. And definitely don’t think DL had anything to do with it. Keep focusing on your FET. Thinking of you.

  3. LC1 said

    Glad you could vent. Sorry about your mom, so frustrating and hurtful. Don’t go back to that place you were… you have a lot to look forward to in just about 2 months!!! Hang in there!!1

  4. Pie said

    Ugh. That is a kick in the gut alright, no wonder you are upset. DL or not, that was a hurtful thing to say, and I’m sorry. Keep your eye on the prize, and know the FET is coming up soon!

  5. Patience said

    I am so sorry. I finally had to cut ties with my parents over this exact issue that has gone on for the last 10 years. There are several other circumstances as well, but this was the issue that finally sealed the decision. My heart breaks for you, as I know that pain all too well. I was so torn when we were pg, as to if that changed things or not. Unfortunately, I won’t ever know as we miscarried. Thinking of you. I hope that the DL isn’t too rough as you finish up the treatment.

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